My Reblog

My Reblog

Before I notice how bad things were ... i felt very annoyed with my lack of voice. I had been using Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook for work. I had to "evangelize" various things about what I wanted to see happen. Technical offerings of Video Streaming - coordinating and connecting to volunteers.

So I was writing a lot but a time came when I was evaluting being ill, realizing things were not healthy in the state of "Lerab Ling" and further out. I wasn't just having the occasional soul searching or feeling like running away because things were hard. Those are actually signs of good and bad circumstances. I was going beyond feeling like running away to "dreaming of running away" and wondering what was stopping me. I was being pushed beyond what I could take.

These are ex-friends from the Rigpa cult - and this photo is from my Facebook 2014 - December

So I want to go back in time and rebuild that story and keep it here for the use of others who find themselves processing what is happening in their high demand religious group, job, relationship or anything that can have a traumatic and abusive side. I had to gain the language, dare to consider it, propose it as reality, defend it and then prove it. All that should unfold if I find this - all I know is that people found me, listened to me. I found more people - we found each other. All it took was really putting my heart on my sleeve. I was not alone, others were doing it, had done it years before and they would eventually my writings and comment.

I have to find the first signs of breakaway - i was somewhat critical but guarded, non-confronting. I have gotten my voice and empowered myself as time passed. Maybe this website will continue that process but it is also a way for me to keep things from being suppressed. Cults can suppress your issues, and traumatize you so that memories are messed up. Maybe I can re-organize these written and celuloid (film photography much of the time) memories.